Hey little one, I needed you badly.
When the years spun by and bad news twirled in like a tornado and life felt reckless- then came you. I needed you.
I needed you in the night to remind me when darkness comes, it is a time to get close, not apart. That sometimes the happiest moments will be hugs and whispers in the dark. You taught me that darkness isn't an evil companion, but just a welcoming to write our own music to light our path in the dark. For it is in midnight hours, when real melodies are made.
I needed you in the day to show me the magic of the world - the pink flowers, green grass, and the Disney moment of the mailman coming to deliver good news. I never knew his name until I met you. You brought me good news with you just being you. You showed me He is still sovereign over my story and my pain. I needed you.
They tell me all the time how lucky you are that you got me and daddy, but daddy and I know... we needed you more. When I grieved the lost of babies and dreams of day's gone by, you came and brought magic & wonder, I needed you.
I needed you to remind me how good God is, how kind, how wise. I'm not one to believe He brought the bad, but if the bad brought me to you. I would live through it 100x again just to have you because darling, I needed you.
I needed you to remind me of innocence and how to hope in the world and in people. To remember this is a good place to be.
I needed you to show me how to be silly again and to not take myself so seriously like the day we took 100 selfies with silly faces and wild smiles. I'm telling you, It's a good picture because darling, you are in it with me and I needed you right beside me.
I needed you to remind me that life isn't cruel or God didn't bring me here to hurt me, but to give gifts better than I could ever imagine and sometimes the best things that happen aren't planned but our life's beautiful surprises. I needed you.
I needed you in my little world to expand me to the best version of myself. You showed me that my life was not collapsing but falling together in the way it was meant to be - with you, me, and daddy. - because darling, I needed you.
I needed you to remind me how to slow down and find the beauty in simple days and slow mornings. Something your mama isn't used to.
I needed you to remind me to let go of hurt and hold on to good because when I look at you my life has the clearest purpose: daddy, me and you.
I needed you to show me what truly matters in life - not the six-figure salary or dream body I make up in my head - but just to know we could live in a cottage or a castle and still be happy because we have each other. You. Me. Daddy. That's all that matters.
I need you. You need me.
But, lets never forget we will need Him desperately.
Someday I won't be able to meet every need but I hope to show you where to go, who to call, and maybe I am crazy enough to think that my earthy love can show you a glimpse of His. Just like your love has showed me a new side to Him.
When the years pass and you hear people say, "you needed me"... let me pull you in....
.... Come, get close on my lap and let me whisper in your ears, Darling, I needed you. Your love set me free.