We had the passage read at our wedding ceremony. The words hung in the air like the humidity that blasted across the crammed sanctuary making my legs drip with sweat under my cascading dress. There in my Daddy’s overcrowded, country church, the words were read softly, but heard inevitably. It was as if the words were tangible, all eyes on their concrete existence.
Nothing can separate us from this love.
The passage became a favorite of mine as Isaac and I just came out of a season of physical separation for one year. I found it as I was reading from my Granny’s timeworn Bible. It was one gift I was given the day she passed away. She had underlined it – unintentionally striking out some of the words due to the frailty in her hands. The words stood almost unseen from the dried, black ink – nothing can separate us from this love.
I told Isaac, “I found our passage for our wedding. I think you will like it.” Easy-going as he was, I doubted he would question my suggestion, especially since it related to our wedding and he believed I was the Master Planner.
I read the words and we knew these were the words we wanted to echo after us: nothing can separate us from this love.
I gave my heart away to Isaac that day. I gave him all of my soul – holding nothing back. No one or any circumstance can take that decision away. June 29th, 2009 - that day my heart became his.
Yet, I never knew I would give my heart away again. I never knew what a mother’s heart was capable of – the depth and capacity. I had never become a mama before. How was I to know what that feels like to be a mama? How was I to know the raw emotion of love that overwhelm you for someone you have yet to meet?
I became a mother on my 26th birthday, when a four year old girl stared at me from behind a screen with beaming almond eyes. Her little fingers smashed beside her cheek looking mischievously cute. There she stood and I knew she was my daughter.
The moment I saw her, I gasped. She was the prettiest thing in my world. I was walking out of a path so dark and twisty that I wondered if I would be able to recognize beauty again without being tainted and then I saw Eden. Her beauty won me heart and soul.
This Mother’s Day was extremely hard. I am going to be honest – probably the hardest day yet in my journey to Eden and becoming a mom. The hardest part was the distance between my daughter and me: 10,000+ miles.
As I counted the miles last night and felt the distance, I was reminded of the passage that was once spoken over my husband and me, the day we married:
Nothing can separate us from this love.
Last night I realized quickly that a mama can never be separated from her baby though physically we may be, yet they will always be with us in heart, mind, and in the deepest part…soul.
I have learned what 10,000 miles feels like and it was felt hard yesterday, yet I could hold on to this hope:
My prayers could reach her.
My prayers could cradle her.
My prayers could comfort her.
My prayers could find her - right where she was and keep her safe.
My prayers could do more for Eden than I would ever know or understand.
I have learned, prayers know no distance, and I am thankful, gratefully thankful for that.
My friend, Elena and her family sing this song that means so much to me called Prayers. Her mom pens it so perfectly:
“Take our prayers, Lord, with you there is no distance.
Feel our tears, Lord, as we ache for their souls.
Let them know, Lord, the love that keeps on reaching.
For desperation hangs upon this hope – You are God.”
There is not much comfort in 10,000 miles of separation, but a beautiful routine I am learning as a new mother is this:
I will not be there for Eden every time she needs me. I can't keep pain from entering her life or even protect her from circumstances I so desperately want her to miss, but this mama has learned in this journey to my daughter to keep placing her in the hands of Jesus and trusting His mothering heart. So many of us view Jesus as a heavenly Father, but I also know Him as a loving, concerned mother.
So, tonight and every night for the rest of my life - no matter if she is 10,000 miles away or sleeping beside me in my bed, I will give my daughter to the One who gave her to me and trust His heart.
Prayer is the link that lets me know - nothing can separate us.