Previously featured:: Be Brave Series && Girls Using Their Own Strengths




Not Pregnant. 

The small words blared from the pregnancy test as if they were the latest headlines blasting through Times Square.

This was it. I was done. For more than two years of tediously checking to see if I was pregnant and yet again the news came as if to provoke me in my trying: not pregnant.

I decided then that I wanted to skip the “The Baby Making Years”.

You remember don’t you? The years when all your friends become pregnant and think of really darling ways to post their announcements of their upcoming blessing. The years when your social media is covered with sweet little chubby cheeks and monthly baby updates.

I was ready to click the skip button and move into my retirement years.

I believed those were my glory days.

Those were the days Rhianna would sing over me “Shine Bright Like a Diamond” and I would be ready to rock.

I speak so openly about my infertility diagnosis because at one time I couldn’t speak about it. The hurt was too deep. I was mortified to let anyone know of the deep shame I was carrying with infertility. Everyone around me kept talking about their blessings from God and I wondered, “Did I do something to miss the blessing?”

I used to believe that damaging mindset.

If I do ______________, God will do _____________.

I dominated that formula. I was “good” & God was good. We made this great team. But, when God didn’t give me what I wanted I didn’t know how to rub the genie bottle harder or pray louder, or live better. My formula crashed & I was left with just God.

And in my darkest moments, I had to ask myself, “Was He enough for me?”

Dear friend, can I tell you that when you come to your greatest disappointment in life that it could be the avenue to your divine appointment?

It was for me and I would relive every hellish day over again just to find Him.

No formulas, no religion, just Jesus.

One of the bravest thing we can ever do is trust Him with our greatest disappointments. It is brave to give Him your heart when all the pieces have been shattered, but I have learned you have to touch the broken pieces to be made whole again.

I have seen that if God would have met my every expectation, He could never surpass them.

I woke this morning – still in Baby Making Years – and you know what I know now?

I’m in my glory days.

I have seen that sometimes disappointment come to showcase the glory of our good Father.

He has been found through no formula or rubbing the genie bottle of religion, but through a broken heart & shattered dreams. His glory came with a crown of thorns.

I see a perfect picture hanging proudly of my daughter, Eden, on our living room wall. There in the dim light, you see her smile as she holds a picture of me and her daddy the first time she “met” us at four years old. That’s my Eden – my daughter who introduced me to Jesus during my years of waiting for her arrival.

He was planning something for me better than I could have ever imagined. Eden proves to me that no story ends in ashes with a good Father like mine.

Yet will we be brave enough to hand over the pen of our story and say,

“Okay, God, you can have this _________, now show your glory.